Seeking: One Inner-Compass

I haven’t been home in four days. I’ve been wandering.

Some people won’t be surprised by this. When my head feels it needs to wander, my body tends to follow. There has been an unusual amount of thought traffic floating through this mind of mine lately. Even moreso than usual. Which is a scary amount. I’m going through a lot of soul-searching and that kind of thing. It was long overdue in a way. And while it is rather simple mulling thoughts over and over in my head, arriving to real conclusions with them is quite difficult.

I feel as though I need to go on some form of sabbatical.

However, what I hope to achieve I’m not 100% sure. Perhaps a little bit of perspective. Direction. Who knows. Maybe I’m hoping the answers would just come to me.

Anybody have an soul-searching tips?

How have you found direction in your life?


What Would You Say To You?

If your 8 year old self met you today, would they be proud?”

I saw that being passed around Twitter. It’s an interesting thought to ponder.

Personally, I know my 8 year old self would not have told me either way. I was the quietest kid ever from what I remember. Very shy. Only spoke when spoken to. Not the carefree, lumbering social oaf that I am now.

But, what would my 8 year old self think of me today? I think he’d like the person I have become. I think he’d be proud of the type of person I am, and how I treat others. Though I think he’d be disappointed with how I treat myself.

But overall, I think he’d be happy. He was easily pleased.

Would your 8 year old self be proud of you?

Up In The Clouds

It has come to my attention through extensive reading that I miiiiiiight be a Maladaptive Daydreamer.

For those unfamiliar, Maladaptive Daydreaming is a condition in which an individual excessively daydreams or fantasizes very vividly and intricately, essentially living a movie plot or novel type scenario in their minds. They are aware that they are daydreaming, however. There is no illusion of reality within the fantasies, and they are able to distinguish between the two.

You can read more at the Wiki page here…

They waste quite a lot of time with this, and can easily day-dream away, doing nothing else for hours.

That describes me, but I was under the impression everybody daydreamed. Sure, some more than others, but my question is…

At what point does it reach excess?

They’ve linked it to OCD, so there you go. (Yeah, I’m mild OCD). Although, this could just be my OCD playing up anyhows, haha. Who knows, I’m no professional. And as I understand, it is a relatively new concept anyhows, as far as these things go. There may not be an excess of anything. They may just have noticed that some daydream more than others and had to give it a label. ‘Cause that’s what people do these days.

Either way, I’m not worried. I love daydreaming. And I will continue to do so. Right now. And then maybe I’ll write another post. See you all then, fellow daydreamers!


How often do you daydream?

Time To Practice What I Preach

I just read a very inspirational post describing the reaction people have when the writer tells them she wishes to be an artist. You know, the classic “Oh that’s far too hard, you’ll never make it.”

And she raised the questioned, exactly what is ‘making it’?

Is earning money the definition of ‘making it’?

If you asked me ten years ago I’d have told you a definitive, “No. ‘Making it’ in this life is not related to money.” If you asked me today, I would have the exact same answer.

So, why is it, that in those ten years I have continued with study and jobs that have not fed my soul, and attempted to begin careers that fit in the same depressing category? Magnificent question. Why am I just asking it of myself now? No idea. Perhaps I am finally connecting with myself. It’s about time I guess.

If you ask me, you do not fail at this life by neglecting to earn money or collect material wealth. You fail at this life by not being 100% true to yourself.

So, why, knowing the difference, do I continue to pursue a path to self-defined failure?

Another, scary, yet magnificent question.

I suppose it is about damn time I begin to practice what I preach, and be 100% true only to myself. Typical expectations be damned. At this point, by pursuing those, I am only failing myself. And that won’t do.


Are you being true to yourself?

Why Do We Write?

“I write to find out what I think” – Stephen King

This is exactly why I began this blog. To find out what I think. Because this statement is true, I believe, for most of us. We write to find out what we think.

I can think about a particular subject alone until the cows come home. But I find that as soon as I begin to throw any idea down into visible words, my thoughts really take shape. Often I don’t know what I’m going to say beyond an idea until I take to the page and write. And it’s a fantastic experience. It’s not bad soul-searching either.

Is this true for you?

The Celebrity Crush: An Analysis

What is the fascination with celebrities and how come we develop these little celebrity crushes?

Well, I think it appeals to us the same way fantasizing or day-dreaming about anything else does. A fantasy can’t be tarnished. It is absolutely up to us as to what that consists of. And celebrities are an obvious choice for fantasy because we know the likelihood of ever meeting that person and ruining the ‘ideal’ is extremely minimal.

It’s safe to fantasize.

Our celebrity fantasy won’t hurt us. Won’t disappoint us. There’s really no risk of falling out of favour. And if you do, no-one gets hurt. It’s the safest relationship you’ll ever imagine.

My head is struggling today to organize thoughts, so that’s probably as much analytic thought as you’ll get out of me for now. So I’ll move on to reveal that I have a slight celebrity crush myself. I cannot watch a movie of hers without swooning. She’s a very talented actress.

Sophia Bush


And then there’s Twitter, which just fuels this desire or accessibility to crush on celebrities. I think there’s good and bad there.

But back to Sophia. If you follow Sophia’s Twitter, you’ll know she’s not only gorgeous, but also incredibly talented, funny, interesting, intelligent, and the list goes on. She’s a great actress too. Fantastic at her craft. Still, it’s unclear to me as to how we end up admiring a particular celebrity as opposed to any others. I’m not sure if they are necessarily the type of men or women we would be drawn to in reality. Perhaps though, they are a broad example of the ‘type’ of person you find appealing. Perhaps there’s something about how they conduct themselves or interact with others that speaks to your inner self.

Perhaps, it is just a case of too much television.


Who is your celebrity crush?

Instant Comradeship via Sports

Okay, you will need some background information for this one.

– I’m in Australia. We have a very small ice hockey league. The AIHL.

– Most people here do not own a jersey of their favourite AIHL team, because most are not quite that dedicated to dish out the $200 or so necessary. I mean, it’s cheaper to buy our favourite NHL team’s jersey. Which is daft.

– Many people attending an AIHL game will hence wear their favourite NHL jersey to the event.

I attended the ice hockey today. It was the local derby. Melbourne Ice versus Melbourne Mustangs. I’m an Ice fan, as were the friends I went with. I’ve been broke for a couple years, so I do not own an Ice jersey. I wore my Chicago Blackhawks jersey to the game. I’m a huge Blackhawks fan.

So we turned up and there was a gigantic queue down the street to get through the doors. As we headed down the line we passed all matter of different NHL jerseys. Even the nicest looking of people became merely an advocate for whatever team’s merch they were sporting. Unfair judgments were handed out like candy at Halloween. (I’m not American, I swear.)

It wasn’t until we approached the very back of the long queue that we witnessed two blokes wearing Blackhawks jerseys. I saw them and they saw me. The simultaneous head-nod in recognition came next. I felt these were good people. The very best that this line of people had to offer. I have no doubt they thought the same about me. Instantly.

We got to the door eventually and while we had pre-purchased tickets, the two Blackhawks fans had to join an extra queue to buy theirs. Well, it just so happened that two of our friends had to pull out last minute. So we had two spare tickets. I left our line briefly to tap one of the dudes on the shoulder.

“Hey mate, we’ve got two spare tickets. I want you to have them.”

Well, the looks on their faces were priceless. They were like kids at Christmas. They leaped out of the secondary line, and almost out of their skins as they joined us and entered the stadium.

We had a bit of a chat and got to know each other. Discussed mostly ice hockey, how well the Blackhawks are traveling, and how damn good Melbourne Ice were last season. Well, the last three seasons, really. As that’s how many Cups they’ve won in a row now.

Then we cheered as our Melbourne Ice won 7-2 in tremendous fashion.

And this is a prime example of how sports teams bring people together. It’s amazing the instant respect and comradeship formed between people who otherwise know absolutely nothing about one another. And will very likely never meet again. But for that brief period of time, you are the absolute best of friends. It’s seen all the time at sports events. And it’s fantastic. Just another thing to love about sports.

Thank you, sports.

My Oddest Dream For Some Time

I have quite a lot of very random and odd dreams.

I enjoy a good random dream. The more random the better.

Last night I had one of the oddest dreams I’ve had for a while. Which was cool. It was especially strange due to how vivid and necessarily detailed it was. I mean, there were links made that make the thing seem like it was pre-written, not just a random collection of thoughts. You’ll know what I mean, especially come the last part of the dream.

I haven’t had a dream quite so bizarre, since myself and Miley Cyrus found a Transformer in an abandoned house and fought an invading army with it.

But, this morning I awake with utter confusion.

Let it be known that I did not recognize anyone from this dream. Usually the faces are familiar, or  they are even people I know very well. This time, I couldn’t possibly tell you who they were, despite their characters being very vivid.

Okay, Let us begin from the start…


My gay flatmate came to me asking for a favor. For the record, I do not have a gay flatmate. My housemate is straight, and there was absolutely no resemblance between the two. Also, I did not recognize the flat we were in.

So, my gay flatmate says that an old friend from school is visiting and he and his partner are having dinner with this visitor. He begs me to join them in support at the dinner. Why they need me I’ve no idea, but that’s the way it went. So, of course, I agreed to help in any way I could, and promised to attend the dinner.

Now it’s the next scene and I’m in the middle of an orgy with three chicks and another guy. Don’t ask why, we never got into that. It was just happening. But this time I do recognize the bedroom as one from the house I grew up in. I still don’t recognize any people.

After the orgy, the other guy and I get into a fight. I don’t know why, but I got the feeling that maybe I wasn’t sharing. He attacks me with one of those BBQ torch lighter things. Why that was present is an absolute mystery. I win the bout though and leave in disgust. The girls wave goodbye. The guy, does not.

I arrive back at the flat, which now looks like the lounge room from the house I grew up in. Odd. My housemate and his partner are there, and they’re very somber. I missed the dinner.

I know. What a douche. I agree with you completely.

They ask why I stood them up. I apologized and very cleverly told them, “I was tied up at an orgy… Literally.” They agree that was a wonderful play on words, but a horrible excuse.

They forgive me anyway and we all get a little emotional. I remember weeping and hugging. From all three of us. Not all at once though. Get the orgy off your brain.

So we make up and I ask them how dinner went. They tell me it actually went well. Now I’m slightly confused as to why they were so emotional about my absence. But I’m glad, as well as happy and relieved for them.

Anyway, myself and my housemate go outside to talk. The song ‘Fire‘ by Kasabian starts playing. I heard it in my dream. Hearing music in dreams is rare. At least for me. But I could hear the chorus – “I’m on fire. I’m on fiiiiiiiiiire!”

So we start talking with the song in the background. In the window I can see bright yellow light reflections. I’m confused. I remember saying, “That’s weird. What the hell is all that?” He doesn’t know what I’m talking about for a moment. Then, he very calmly states…

“Your jacket is on fire.”

Sure enough, I take my jacket off and the bottom third is missing, while the fire is spreading. The song grows louder. I think back to the fight with the guy with the lighter and curse him.


Then I wake up.

If any of you out there are dream interpreters… Help a brother out?

Spread The Good

The message from me tonight is simple:

Spread as much good and love as you can.

I’m of the belief that the number of truly good people in the World outweighs the number of bad. The key is spreading the good.

And by spreading, I mean with everybody. Family, friends, friends of friends, strangers, adversaries. Share all the goodness and the love that you have to give. Because sharing is caring. And caring lifts people beyond a basic existence and into a greater feeling of living.

And that, my friends, is where you find true happiness.