Wake up call? Hardly.

Have you ever woken up mid-thought?

 

It’s a strange feeling. I assumed my head actually rested while I slept. But, apparently not even in the land of slumber does my brain take a break.

I awoke as if halfway through a thought about my future and how I’m wasting my life. Not to mention all the other little things that just aren’t right, or that I know I’m doing wrong.

It was a very overwhelming way to wake up and start the day.

I felt almost paralyzed by it. All I could do was lie there for, I don’t know, some twenty minutes, and talk myself logically past that and into a lighter vision of the future.

Now, it isn’t unusual for me to feel overwhelmed with this life and what I am expected to do with it.  Though, that mulling over in my thoughts is generally on my own terms. I’m not used to being bitch-slapped awake with it by surprise.

 

Now, I did have a purpose when I sat down to write this post. Unfortunately, I became distracted and took a break for a while and now that I return I have to admit I have completely forgotten what that purpose was. I have lost my way. I suppose this blog has unfolded not dissimilar to my life.

I used to be 23 years old and resonate with the Dave Matthews lyrics from Dancing Nancies: “Twenty three and so tired of life.” Now all of a sudden I find myself at 28 and if anything the feelings have grown stronger. Though despite the occasionally depressing lyrics, the tone and overall message of the song is optimistic and joyful. I’m not dissimilar.

“Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes, but I’ll work it out.” That line is in there. That’s where my head found itself after being awake for a while. Essentially, what’s the use of worrying? Is worrying really productive? Some will say yes. I’ll admit that one is up for debate. But for me, it’s all about the journey.

As long as I don’t remain stagnant too long and the journey continues, there are essentially no right or wrong decisions. They’re just decisions. There are a gazillion paths we each could take. Those decisions will shape our path, and possibly who we become, but that’s what it’s all about. It’s about getting to the final destination and looking back at the path you carved to get there. And maybe then asking…

“Could I have been anyone other than me?”

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