Good Work, Multifunctional Beard

I have a beard at the moment. I thought about shaving it off and going ‘clean-cut’. A female friend of mine said keep the beard. Now the beard stays.

Here are three things I like about having my beard.

1. It provides cushioning when I lean my chin in the palm of my hand. I noticed this gazing out the window on the train the other day.

Good work, thinking-cushion-beard.

2. I don’t get fat. Seriously, 30% of all food directed at my face must get caught in that thing. It’s a diet in and of itself.

Good work, diet-regulating-beard.

3. I look my age. Well, close enough to it. I look older with a beard. Without, I look much, much younger. Last time I went without it, most people thought I was 20-ish. I’m 29!

Good work, babyface-hiding-beard.


The Sunshiny Pholidota Subking

The new Daily Prompt is incredibly random. So, I love it! It asks us to scribble down the first 10 words that come to mind, then pick 3 of them. Those 3 are to make up our post title. I decided to go completely random and use an online random word generator. That was ballsy. I ended up with the title ‘Sunshiny Pholidota Subking’.

No joke, they were words 7, 8 and 9, in exact order. And they were the only three words that made any of much sense. I think it was meant to work out like this.

Since that is not a particularly usual phrase, I’ll break it down…

‘Sunshiny’ can refer to possessing the quality of cheerfulness or happiness, which is the definition I am running with here.

‘Pholidota’ is the zoological order comprising of the pangolins.

A ‘subking’ is basically what it sounds like. A leader that rules over part of an empire.

So, below is my (decidedly children’s) story of The Sunshiny Pholidota Subking.

Photo credit:

Percy was a very happy pangolin. He had everything a pangolin could want.

He ruled over a great Pangolin Kingdom. He had a beautiful pangolin family. He had access to all the insects a pangolin could ever want to eat.

But there was one problem in Percy’s Pangolin Kingdom. That problem was Lara, the leopard.

Lara was a meat-eater. And pangolins are meat!

Percy was the friendliest pangolin. Everybody who ever met Percy thought he was just wonderful. So all the pangolins decided that lovable Percy should try asking Lara very nicely not to eat them.

So one day, Percy Pangolin went to visit Lara Leopard at her favourite tree.

But Lara was not in her tree this day. She was on the ground, looking sadly up at the last bunch of leaves. Her tree was dying.

Percy put on his friendliest voice and asked the leopard, “Lara, why is your tree dying?”

Lara was very surprised that the pangolin would speak to her. Usually pangolins hid from leopards. But she was too sad to chase Percy today. Lara pointed a big paw at her tree and said to Percy, “Termites are eating my tree. Termites eat wood, and my tree is wood!”

Percy thought about this and had an idea. He was a pangolin after all, and pangolins eat termites! In his nicest pangolin voice, Percy said, “Lara, we pangolins eat termites. If I eat all the termites, your tree will be saved.”

Lara thought this was very nice of the pangolin. She thought it was so nice, that she wanted to do something nice for him, too. Lara said, “Mr. Pangolin, if you eat all the termites and save my favourite tree, I will promise not to eat any of your pangolin friends anymore.”

Percy thought this was a fantastic idea. So he agreed. That night, Percy ate all the termites living in Lara’s tree. He was so full he could not eat anymore.

Lara was very grateful to her new pangolin friend. Now the termites were gone, her favourite tree would live for a very long time. She was so grateful that she would never eat another pangolin ever again.

Percy returned back to his pangolin kingdom and told the other pangolins all about how he saved Lara’s tree. All the pangolins were very grateful that Percy had saved them from the leopard. He had brought happiness to all the Pangolin Kingdom.

And Percy would always be known as the friendliest Pangolin King ever.

The End

Clothes Altercations?

I passed a shop I thought said ‘Clothes Altercations’. It was just ‘alterations’.

Obviously my mind messed up the information my eyes sent it. Perhaps it did it on purpose. “That makes too much sense, I’m going to spruce this up,” my mind would say. Or maybe I just need my eyes checked.

Either way, I pictured a very different store. My store contained Black Belt Fedora roughing up Woolen Mittens for money. In the corner, Steel Capped Boots was kicking the ass of Jeggings. And Scarf was strangling Turtleneck Sweater as if it needed the help.

But that store doesn’t really exist. In the real store, clothes are simply changed. I suppose it’s where clothes go to sell out. I want to send one of my store’s items in there just to say, “You’ve changed, man.”

Curing Mopiness

I had fun today. After a mildly mopey me awoke this morning, what came for the rest of the day was most welcoming.

A couple friends and I headed into the city to watch our ice hockey team play. We went in early and stopped off for lunch and drinks on the way. Because, almost as much as hockey, we love food. We ate at a pub near the water. Perfect. You may know by now that I love being by the water. It’s calming. I did spend half the time eyeing off the boats in the harbor though, and contemplating how to sneak off in one.

After lunch we walked across to the stadium and settled in to watch some hockey. We lost 5-3, but that’s okay. You can’t win them all. It was a good bit of fun to watch anyhows. After hockey and drinks, we headed towards the Casino.

We jumped on a tram headed in that direction. There was an older Asian lady ushering people on. It was okay, she worked for the tram company. She wasn’t the self-appointed conductor or anything. It was a genuine, paid gig. Anyway, she was in charge, and she was sure to let everyone know. She was funny, though. There were a few rowdy blokes on a buck’s night. She wasn’t having any of it.

“You behave or I’ll put you down. This is my tram. I’ll get the whip out for you.” Yeah, she wasn’t to be messed with. She was firm, but actually very friendly if you were doing the right things. And I find everything funnier and more endearing with an accent, no matter what accent.

After an entertaining tram ride we rocked up to the Casino. We found the sports bar. More drinks, some rugby, some football and some roulette later and I was suddenly 50 bucks up. After that I’d basically had a free had day. Thanks, Casino!

We grabbed some more food and then decided to catch a train out of the city in order to watch the soccer, which was starting at midnight. My housemate is an Arsenal fan. We got home at 11:50 pm. Brilliant timing.

So we enjoyed some soccer and drinks, which is always fun. And that brings me to now. I’m knackered and retiring to bed, but I missed you guys. Wanted to catch up. It’s almost 5 am but I’ll be darned if I’m not going  to read some great blogs and say my goodnights.

So, goodnight, all. Have a fantastic day, and I shall see you all in the evening, when I awake. Thanks for sticking out the mopey me!