Not my circus, not my monkeys

Welcome back folks! Or, welcome back, me? Either way, hello again. If you remember me, I love you. If you don’t, I understand. I haven’t posted in the longest time. But, it is a new year and with it brings a new me. That’s what happens, right? The switching of calendars has this odd effect of bringing you a new lease on life that is unachievable throughout the rest of the year?

Bollocks.

This isn’t the trade window (you’re welcome, sports fans). We can change anything, anytime. And I choose to change my blogging habits, for one. I swear, it’s a complete coincidence that this comes in the first month of the new year.

The second ‘change’ is not a completely sudden change, but one that I have progressed towards over the last couple of years. My new years resolution when I started this blog two years ago was to become more selfish. It was necessary for me, and now this year my new motto comes from a Polish proverb.

Nie moj cyrk, nie moje malpy.

Translated to: ‘Not my circus, not my monkeys.’

I had potential stress at work the other day. But then I remembered: not my circus, not my monkeys.

And it is handy beyond just the working life. Now my life belongs solely to me.

So, what shall I do with my OWN life? Well, I have decided to quit my job and sell most of my things (my music collection will remain forever mine) and head around the world, working as I go. Yep, I’m going on an epic adventure! And, indefinitely. Whatever may happen, shall happen. I have no ties, expectations, or plans. Just the world and me. I may return in tatters begging for my old job in six weeks, or six decades, I just don’t know, and that’s part of the beauty of it. But for now, I shall endeavour to return to the blogging life, for I really miss it, and even moreso, the community.

So, buckle in, get ready for some love and laughter and plenty of me, and if all goes well, a seriously daunting adventure worth strapping in for.

P.S. Looking forward to catching up with you all now I’m back!

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Musical News!

You guys! I don’t even know if I told you!

I got tickets to see Dave Matthews Band live here in Melbourne next April!

If you know me, you know there is little that could make me happier.

My brother is coming with me, and it is going to be… blissful…. extraordinary… magical.

Okay, so that’s my news. I’m just very excited.

Oh, and Gary Clark Jr is the opening act! As if it needed to get any better!?!?

And if you know me, you also know I don’t really get outwardly, animatedly excited about things. Ever.

This calls for a tribute:

‘The Idea Of You’ by Dave Matthews Band

Be The Honey Badger

You may or may not have seen that video circulate some time ago. You know the one. The one with the honey badger. The honey badger is eating bees and cobras, not caring that it’s being stung a thousand times, or passing out from the immense venom consumed from eating a deadly snake. And the commentary is what made it viral.

“The honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit.”

And with all the conversations I’ve had lately about people hating their jobs, or not being sure if they should take a job that will tilt the work/life balance far into ‘work’, or even talking to myself about my lack of much work… I have realized the honey badger has it right. Just do what you want. Don’t care. Don’t give a shit. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. If you want to do it, then just do it.

Does the honey badger think twice before thrusting itself into a bee nest when it’s craving honey? Nope. It just does it. It’s not acting (or refraining from acting) out of fear. It wants honey, it gets honey.

Does the honey badger think twice before wrestling with a deadly cobra because it’s hungry ? Nope. It just does it. Again, fear is not a factor for decision here. It’s hungry, it takes on the snake.

And I think too often, we all act, or don’t act, out of fear.

I just spoke to someone who hates their new job from promotion. I said if you can’t make it work for you, ask to be returned to your old position, which you loved. They said they couldn’t. It would look bad. But their decision isn’t being based on want, or even need. It’s being based solely on fear. On ‘what ifs’. On possible negative repercussions.

Would the honey badger worry about the repercussions? Or would the honey badger do what it wanted?

Exactly. The honey badger does what it wants.

You should, too.

You deserve to do what you want. We all do.

If I Was A ’10’ On The Happiness Scale

Oh my, bloggers block is killing me.

Well, I think it’s complete brain block at the moment. I’m not getting much constructive thought going at all, in any mode.

I finally decided to just write here. Just let the fingers walk all over the keyboard and see what is produced. You may become completely and utterly bored. You may not. No promises either way. Obviously I’m hoping for the latter, though.

I’m banking on my brain returning once the study semester is over. And we’re so close! In fact, I may not even need the end of semester. Just the end of tomorrow may be enough. I have another assessment due tomorrow. These two major ones in the last week have consumed me. Rotted my brain I think.

So that’s what I’m waiting for. A clean slate of thinking. For my brain to be allowed to focus on something other than a major assessment. Or, perhaps on nothing at all. That may be even better.

My brain loves focusing on nothing. I could daydream an entire week away. I may have daydreamed half a lifetime away already.

Shit. That’s a worry.

That’s me though. I’m a dreamer. Every one of my friends knows what they’re getting there. Never rely on me for serious, ambitious type matters. Ambitious is probably the last word anyone would ever use to describe me. I feel dirty even using it here. It’s like a naughty word to me. I can say shit, fuck, all the rest of it… but, ‘ambition’… ?

Get the fuck out.

I will never have ambition. Not that I don’t have dreams and aspirations that I’m working towards. I mean I do put effort towards things. It’s just not what others tend to describe as ‘ambition’ or ‘drive’. But does that matter to me? Does that influence me or my actions?

Fuck no!

I am me. I am doing my thing. We are all meant only to do our thing. If we try doing someone else’s thing, or society’s thing, we will perhaps fail, and likely be terribly, terribly miserable.

And I’d much rather be gloriously happy, and fail at my own thing.

I got suckered into meeting others’ expectations early in life.

“You need good grades.” I got GREAT grades.

“You need a University degree.” I got TWO University Degrees.

“You need a stable career.” I became a teacher.

Did I ever chase my own dreams? Do my own thing? Create my own expectations?

No. No, I didn’t.

Sounds like I was a complete drongo, doesn’t it?

But I wasn’t. I just thought I was doing the ‘right’ thing.

Ha!

Well, I have learned that the ‘right’ thing is completely different for everybody. And we need to set our own expectations. Define our own ambitions.

Define what makes you happy. Chase that. Chase only that.

I always knew I had different dreams. I always knew I had to do things differently. Differently from what I had been doing all through my schooling years. And even beyond. But for some reason, it took me until this year to really get it.

I will always remember the exercise that lead me towards quitting my ‘career’ and living what it truly meant to be me.

The exercise was called ‘Me as a perfect 10’. The idea was to write a brief piece. Say a page or two. Whatever comes to you. You were to write that piece as yourself in the future. But yourself as the happiest person in the World.

What made you a perfect 10 on the happiness scale? Where were you? Who were you with? Were you alone? What were you doing? What was your profession? Describe absolutely everything in as much detail as possible.

Well, here’s my abridged version…

I was living by the beach, in a shack. I had a pet dog who I’d rescued from the pound. I worked from home as a writer.

Oh, and by shack, let me clarify with a passage straight from the piece…

“I say ‘shack’; well it’s modest, but it has absolutely everything you would need and it isn’t likely to fall down anytime soon. A roof is a roof. A home is what you put under that roof. This shack is in a way much like myself. Simple and modest, but full of heart and strangely charming.”

I can’t believe I called myself ‘charming’. Who’s got tickets on themselves? Wow. What an ass-clown.

But, you get the point.

Thanks for reading. I love you all!

Me Music; Mikhael Paskalev

I don’t know who has or hasn’t seen this video yet. Either way… enjoy. I think it’s a lot of fun. Catchy tune, too. This is ‘I Spy’ by Mikhael Paskalev. And yes, that is Mikhael being a fun-loving goof in the video.

More Change; Sports Edition

I was supposed to play one semi-final of futsal tonight and then take a break indefinitely.

I ended up playing three semi-finals. Won 2 of them. I wasn’t planning on playing the Grand Finals, but, it may happen. I don’t need to. I need a break moreso. I was just helping out.

I feel like the game is getting the better of me. I need something fresh. Something I can have more fun with. The problem with doing something because you’re good at it, is that when you have a bad run, it hurts a lot more. I don’t need to be good at anything. I just need fun.

A friend and I may be getting back into beach volleyball. If so, I’ll ditch the soccer. Focus on the volleyball. We played a couple years ago. We were pretty decent. Made it to the top league, won a few titles. He was very good. He’s small and quick. Covers the court well. I’m tall and cumbersome, but willing to dive about. Good reach and reflexes. Together we make a good team. I hope we do get it going. It was a lot of fun last time and I am sure it would be again.

I’m looking forward to it. As has been a theme this year… change is for the good.

Seeking: One Inner-Compass

I haven’t been home in four days. I’ve been wandering.

Some people won’t be surprised by this. When my head feels it needs to wander, my body tends to follow. There has been an unusual amount of thought traffic floating through this mind of mine lately. Even moreso than usual. Which is a scary amount. I’m going through a lot of soul-searching and that kind of thing. It was long overdue in a way. And while it is rather simple mulling thoughts over and over in my head, arriving to real conclusions with them is quite difficult.

I feel as though I need to go on some form of sabbatical.

However, what I hope to achieve I’m not 100% sure. Perhaps a little bit of perspective. Direction. Who knows. Maybe I’m hoping the answers would just come to me.

Anybody have an soul-searching tips?

How have you found direction in your life?

What Would You Say To You?

“If your 8 year old self met you today, would they be proud?”

I saw that being passed around Twitter. It’s an interesting thought to ponder.

Personally, I know my 8 year old self would not have told me either way. I was the quietest kid ever from what I remember. Very shy. Only spoke when spoken to. Not the carefree, lumbering social oaf that I am now.

But, what would my 8 year old self think of me today? I think he’d like the person I have become. I think he’d be proud of the type of person I am, and how I treat others. Though I think he’d be disappointed with how I treat myself.

But overall, I think he’d be happy. He was easily pleased.

Would your 8 year old self be proud of you?

Time To Practice What I Preach

I just read a very inspirational post describing the reaction people have when the writer tells them she wishes to be an artist. You know, the classic “Oh that’s far too hard, you’ll never make it.”

And she raised the questioned, exactly what is ‘making it’?

Is earning money the definition of ‘making it’?

If you asked me ten years ago I’d have told you a definitive, “No. ‘Making it’ in this life is not related to money.” If you asked me today, I would have the exact same answer.

So, why is it, that in those ten years I have continued with study and jobs that have not fed my soul, and attempted to begin careers that fit in the same depressing category? Magnificent question. Why am I just asking it of myself now? No idea. Perhaps I am finally connecting with myself. It’s about time I guess.

If you ask me, you do not fail at this life by neglecting to earn money or collect material wealth. You fail at this life by not being 100% true to yourself.

So, why, knowing the difference, do I continue to pursue a path to self-defined failure?

Another, scary, yet magnificent question.

I suppose it is about damn time I begin to practice what I preach, and be 100% true only to myself. Typical expectations be damned. At this point, by pursuing those, I am only failing myself. And that won’t do.

 

Are you being true to yourself?

Spread The Good

The message from me tonight is simple:

Spread as much good and love as you can.

I’m of the belief that the number of truly good people in the World outweighs the number of bad. The key is spreading the good.

And by spreading, I mean with everybody. Family, friends, friends of friends, strangers, adversaries. Share all the goodness and the love that you have to give. Because sharing is caring. And caring lifts people beyond a basic existence and into a greater feeling of living.

And that, my friends, is where you find true happiness.