What’s In A Name?

In a fit of poetic oddity, I realised the four words that best describe me (or at least 4 of my favourite words) spell out my given name.

Eclectic

Whimsical

Empathetic

Nurturing

What would your name look like in this form?

Be The Honey Badger

You may or may not have seen that video circulate some time ago. You know the one. The one with the honey badger. The honey badger is eating bees and cobras, not caring that it’s being stung a thousand times, or passing out from the immense venom consumed from eating a deadly snake. And the commentary is what made it viral.

“The honey badger don’t care. Honey badger don’t give a shit.”

And with all the conversations I’ve had lately about people hating their jobs, or not being sure if they should take a job that will tilt the work/life balance far into ‘work’, or even talking to myself about my lack of much work… I have realized the honey badger has it right. Just do what you want. Don’t care. Don’t give a shit. If you don’t want to do it, don’t do it. If you want to do it, then just do it.

Does the honey badger think twice before thrusting itself into a bee nest when it’s craving honey? Nope. It just does it. It’s not acting (or refraining from acting) out of fear. It wants honey, it gets honey.

Does the honey badger think twice before wrestling with a deadly cobra because it’s hungry ? Nope. It just does it. Again, fear is not a factor for decision here. It’s hungry, it takes on the snake.

And I think too often, we all act, or don’t act, out of fear.

I just spoke to someone who hates their new job from promotion. I said if you can’t make it work for you, ask to be returned to your old position, which you loved. They said they couldn’t. It would look bad. But their decision isn’t being based on want, or even need. It’s being based solely on fear. On ‘what ifs’. On possible negative repercussions.

Would the honey badger worry about the repercussions? Or would the honey badger do what it wanted?

Exactly. The honey badger does what it wants.

You should, too.

You deserve to do what you want. We all do.

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If I Was A ’10’ On The Happiness Scale

Oh my, bloggers block is killing me.

Well, I think it’s complete brain block at the moment. I’m not getting much constructive thought going at all, in any mode.

I finally decided to just write here. Just let the fingers walk all over the keyboard and see what is produced. You may become completely and utterly bored. You may not. No promises either way. Obviously I’m hoping for the latter, though.

I’m banking on my brain returning once the study semester is over. And we’re so close! In fact, I may not even need the end of semester. Just the end of tomorrow may be enough. I have another assessment due tomorrow. These two major ones in the last week have consumed me. Rotted my brain I think.

So that’s what I’m waiting for. A clean slate of thinking. For my brain to be allowed to focus on something other than a major assessment. Or, perhaps on nothing at all. That may be even better.

My brain loves focusing on nothing. I could daydream an entire week away. I may have daydreamed half a lifetime away already.

Shit. That’s a worry.

That’s me though. I’m a dreamer. Every one of my friends knows what they’re getting there. Never rely on me for serious, ambitious type matters. Ambitious is probably the last word anyone would ever use to describe me. I feel dirty even using it here. It’s like a naughty word to me. I can say shit, fuck, all the rest of it… but, ‘ambition’… ?

Get the fuck out.

I will never have ambition. Not that I don’t have dreams and aspirations that I’m working towards. I mean I do put effort towards things. It’s just not what others tend to describe as ‘ambition’ or ‘drive’. But does that matter to me? Does that influence me or my actions?

Fuck no!

I am me. I am doing my thing. We are all meant only to do our thing. If we try doing someone else’s thing, or society’s thing, we will perhaps fail, and likely be terribly, terribly miserable.

And I’d much rather be gloriously happy, and fail at my own thing.

I got suckered into meeting others’ expectations early in life.

“You need good grades.” I got GREAT grades.

“You need a University degree.” I got TWO University Degrees.

“You need a stable career.” I became a teacher.

Did I ever chase my own dreams? Do my own thing? Create my own expectations?

No. No, I didn’t.

Sounds like I was a complete drongo, doesn’t it?

But I wasn’t. I just thought I was doing the ‘right’ thing.

Ha!

Well, I have learned that the ‘right’ thing is completely different for everybody. And we need to set our own expectations. Define our own ambitions.

Define what makes you happy. Chase that. Chase only that.

I always knew I had different dreams. I always knew I had to do things differently. Differently from what I had been doing all through my schooling years. And even beyond. But for some reason, it took me until this year to really get it.

I will always remember the exercise that lead me towards quitting my ‘career’ and living what it truly meant to be me.

The exercise was called ‘Me as a perfect 10’. The idea was to write a brief piece. Say a page or two. Whatever comes to you. You were to write that piece as yourself in the future. But yourself as the happiest person in the World.

What made you a perfect 10 on the happiness scale? Where were you? Who were you with? Were you alone? What were you doing? What was your profession? Describe absolutely everything in as much detail as possible.

Well, here’s my abridged version…

I was living by the beach, in a shack. I had a pet dog who I’d rescued from the pound. I worked from home as a writer.

Oh, and by shack, let me clarify with a passage straight from the piece…

“I say ‘shack’; well it’s modest, but it has absolutely everything you would need and it isn’t likely to fall down anytime soon. A roof is a roof. A home is what you put under that roof. This shack is in a way much like myself. Simple and modest, but full of heart and strangely charming.”

I can’t believe I called myself ‘charming’. Who’s got tickets on themselves? Wow. What an ass-clown.

But, you get the point.

Thanks for reading. I love you all!

The Liebster!

So, I vanished again. I tend to do that. I got busy and  this blog was eating up time I couldn’t afford to give in the last couple weeks. But, I don’t want to stop completely. I may just have to cut back. Manage my time instead of going hammer and tongs and then burning out. But onto a positive…

vinnieh and impossiblegirl123 both nominated me for Liebster Awards! Like, 4 + days ago. Very generous of them. Thanks guys! Oh, and do check out their blogs! vinnie’s is vinnieh and impossiblegirl’s is Life and Other Disasters. They won these awards themselves, because they’re awesome. As are their blogs. They’re two that I make sure I keep up with, even when I’m going on posting sabbaticals myself. They’re well worth a read!

I’m only doing part of the task here, because time permits only a partial response. I will answer the questions posed by each vinnie, and impossiblegirl. Here goes!

Vinnieh’s Questions:

1. What film can you watch and never ever get bored with? My two favourites, Ronin and Leon.
2. Which movie character reminds you of yourself? Um… Gil, Owen Wilson’s character, from Midnight in Paris. I have in the past often felt trapped and like I belong elsewhere. We also have the same writing aspirations. It’s just all very me. Similar outlooks and way of interacting with people as well as humour and all that.
3. If you could travel back in time, which era would you visit? The 1920s, I think. That would be interesting. Like in Midnight in Paris!
4. If you could be reincarnated as an animal after your death, what animal would you want to be? A dog! Because I like being man’s loyal best friend and totally pampered.
5. What was the first movie that really scared you? Chucky! Or Seed of Chucky, or whatever the bloody thing is called. I was 10 years old and at a friend’s birthday sleepover party. We found it on TV and thought we should be rebels. Whoops.
6. If you could work on a film with just one actor or actress, who would you work with? Oh, as if you don’t all already know the answer. Sophia Bush!
7. Madonna or Lady Ga Ga? Neither? Haha. Maybe Madonna.
8. Dog or cat lover? Dogs! 100%
9. James Bond or Jason Bourne? That’s not so easy. Big fan of both. But, I am going to side with James Bond.
10. What song best describes you? ‘Don’t Worry Be Happy’ by Bobby McFerrin
11. What is your idea of a great weekend? Something pretty cruisy, just chilling with friends. Anything that involves good food, drinks, company and conversation.

impossiblegirl’s Questions

1. If you could be part of any story (a book or movie or TV show), which story would you chose? There’s a theme with my thought patterns and desires at the moment… Midnight In Paris.
2. Tea or coffee? Coffee! I like tea as well, but (during winter especially) I love coffee in the mornings!
3. Which fictional character bares the most resemblance to you (either in physical appearance, in character or both)? I feel we’ve covered this with the first lot. Gil, from Midnight in Paris.
4. Summer or winter? Summer, absolutely!
5. Would you rather watch exclusively TV shows or movies for the rest of your life? Movies I think.
6. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? Paris is due for a visit!
7. Gummy bears or chocolate? Oh, man. Gummy bears IN chocolate? Haha. Depends on my mood. Probably take the chocolate if pushed though.
8. What’s the first movie you really remember? And why was it so memorable? Milo and Otis. I remember really loving that as a kid.
9. Which song could you listen to on repeat for hours? Any Dave Matthews Band song. Let’s go with ‘Jimi Thing‘.
10. Comedy or Horror? Comedy. Definitely.
11. Which Big Bang Theory character are you? I am one of the few people that don’t love that show. Having said that, probably Raj, because he can’t talk to girls either, and he’s funniest of the bunch. 😉

Back In The Saddle

Uh-oh, four days have passed without me writing here! I had been trying to force myself to maintain a habit of writing every single day. I was doing well for a while. This week I started struggling with the blog ideas. But, then my head drifted towards other ideas.

I have been dabbling with my screenwriting. That’s fun. I don’t know if I’ll ever come up with something worthy of chasing professionally, but I at the very least enjoy it and it gives me a chance to write something.

And I know via that means of writing daily, I neglect you all here. So, I apologize. I have missed you all, if that is any consolation. I have been thinking about you and your blogs. Mostly your blogs. Let’s not make this weird.

But, here I am forcing myself to write something on my blog. And it is something of nothing, but… well, that is okay, too. Right?

I think it is important for me to continue writing every day. And know that if I am not here, hounding you all with my nonsense, I am in fact still writing. Just, in a different medium. My nonsense is being confined to screenplays only I will see, or a novel I will probably never have the guts to attempt anything with, for a lack of belief that my words are worth reading anymore than anyone else’s.

Whoops, I got a bit mopey there. I didn’t mean to. And as I remind my friends constantly; “I do not hold a negative self belief, I merely hold a realistic one.”

I believe it. No-one else does. Does that make it false? Who knows. But, just because I may think something is beyond me, does not necessarily mean I won’t attempt to grasp it all the same. People have been overachieving all their lives. (See Bieber, et. al.)  So, why shouldn’t I be allowed to?

You’re right. I should. And gosh-darn it, I will.

Are You A Fish Climbing Trees?

“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” ― Albert Einstein

Are you a fish climbing trees? That’s how I have been feeling. I think I’m still searching for my exact talent. It is there somewhere. I know it is.

I do love this quote. Because it relates, but also because it shows awareness that there are many different forms of genius. And we all have greatness in us, it just comes differently to each and every one of us. And it also shows us that judgement is an absolutely useless activity.

The key, and hard part oftentimes, is recognizing, or finding that particular form of genius. I am still searching. But it is a worthwhile endeavor I feel, so I will continue putting energy towards it.

Have you found your genius? Because it’s there. It’s waiting  for you. And it wants to be found.

If you have, who has tips to share for the undertaking of this journey?

Either way, best wishes to you all, my genius friends.

How One Thought Can Shape A Lifetime

This will not be a lough-out-loud or charismatically-induced-gentle-smile post. It will be a sad post. For me at least. If you know me it says an awful lot about me. If you don’t, be prepared to learn a little something. I do apologize. I’ll make the next one fun and uplifting.  Think of this as me attempting the therapy I never received.

This is something I have only ever told one person. So to throw it up on the internet is… daunting. I know you’ll all be gentle, I’m not worried about that. It’s still daunting.

By the way, this is for the Daily Post Weekly Writing Challenge: I Remember. Okay…

 

Origin Story – Why This Blog?

I hardly remember why I started my blog. And it was only recently. I don’t think there was one particular reason.

It was about writing.

It was about exploring thought.

It was about allowing me to be me, and in a way, connecting with my inner self in a way I cannot do through thought alone.

It was about having some fun and connecting with other bloggers.

And it is still about all those things. Maybe more about sharing ideas and thought with other people even moreso than originally.

Ultimately, I’m just having fun with it. I’m placing no expectations on the blog. There are no ambitions here. You often will not find rhyme or reason. For me, there doesn’t need to be. If it feels right, do it. That is the attitude I have adopted with this blog. “Whatever happens, happens, man!”

I feel very honored to have anybody at all reading this thing. The fact that genuinely kind and brilliant people have been commenting and connecting with me here is absolutely soul-warming. A sincere and HUGE thank you to you all. Hopefully you get something – who knows what, but something – out of this blog of mine. That alone makes it worth sticking with. So, thank you.

The Daily Prompt link: http://dailypost.wordpress.com/2013/08/02/daily-prompt-beginnings/

Daily Prompt: State of Your Year

Daily Prompt: Write up a mid-year “State of My Year” post.

There have been many changes for me this year. In May, my two-year relationship ended. In July, I returned to University. Next month or thereabouts I shall be moving house.

Okay, so those are the main changes. But I think beyond that, there has been a shift in attitude and perception for myself. Moreso recently. And it is still a shift in progress. By the end of the year, i will most likely be in a different state again.

For now it is a happy state though. A state of hope. Of anticipation for what the future holds. For there were not enough changes occurring when they needed to be in recent years. But this year they have. And with them comes a renewed sense of purpose.

And now I enter the second half of the year with just that…

Purpose.

Home is where ya feel it…

The feeling I get whenever I return to the coast is unmistakable. It’s a feeling of belonging. A feeling of home. Everything is clearer when I’m at the coast.

I stayed at the family beach house this weekend. It’s perfect when I feel like getting away. When I feel like thinking. When I feel like peace, quiet and clarity. I know it sounds crazy, but my back hurts less there. It really does.

I have been having some serious back issues lately. All the years of constant sport, in particular the indoor soccer goalkeeping, has caught up with me. My back is never free from pain. Though, I could not help but notice as I lay in the quiet house last night, that it was not sore. I mean, it was not perfect all day, but for at least half of it, I felt good. I felt more alive. Less pained. It was as if the sea has soothing powers. It was as if the sea thought if it took care of me I would stay a while. Maybe take care of it.

I also noticed, as I lay at ease on the surprisingly comfortable double bed in the guest room, that my head is so much clearer there. The thoughts flow freely. Processing thought is not a chore as it is in the city. Away from the sea I feel… almost heavy. As if I am not where I am meant to be. As if not being there is a burden. Somewhat suffocated. As if there is no space to think, or to comprehend.

And as my mind wandered freely, I gazed up at the picture that hung on the wall beside the bed. A picture I had admired so many times. This time though, I noticed something new about it. It had the feeling of home.

The picture depicts an oyster shed by a wharf. In the distance there are several boats floating on the ocean – yachts and rowboats. An orange Kombi is parked besides a jetty, where a couple sit, dangling their feet in the water and fishing. And I always stare at that simple picture with the same look. A Look I didn’t recognize in myself until last night. A look of longing. A look that feels like within that frame is home. That makes me feel like if I’m anywhere else, I’m lost.

And I realized… I have felt lost for a long time. Far too long.